Waiting for this day...

Whats happening? why am i not able to check my temptation. Even thought i know its so very risky, i did it. I had made sure there was not even a bleak chance of hope left. But hope is something very unreliable. No matter what happens this heart still hopes that things would be fine, just as it was. I am sure and dam sure that nothing is going to change, but getting over is something again very deceiving. Some times you think its all over, but then the next moment you are again engulfed in those thoughts.

Every night the moment i close my eyes, unknowingly those thoughts start buzzing around. They continue into my late night dreams and then to my early morning once and before i open my eyes those are the first thoughts. At first they used to pain me a lot. I was trying the impossible, trying to forget. Now i have succeeded, succeeded in giving up the trying.

Things just had gone out of hand. If they were in my control or i was in my own control. i would have not done anything. But everything that happened was wrong...something i would like to change if given a chance...

I realized I was subconsciously waiting for this day. dono why but i was...